Turbo Polyp Job Search Bonus

I went shopping downtown today, only to find that Plein 1944, one of the big town squares, has been taken over by Kermis.  

Like most Dutch special events, I don't really understand what Kermis is or why we're celebrating it, but the bottom line is: small carnival.  Rides, games, cotton candy, bad music.  You know the drill. 

I found myself both attracted and repelled, especially because the rides were running but the whole square was creepily deserted in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.  

And then I caught a glimpse of the back of the "Shark Reef" ride:  

Oh, yeah. Turbo polyp baby! 

I'm not exaggerating when I say that this makes my month.

What also makes my month is my recent discovery of a "lifestyle coach" job posting.  To wit: 

Do you have a positive and motivating influence on others and are you a native american? or have a background in food/lifestyle. As lifestylecoach (32-40 hours a week)you will provide international e-mail coaching by use of advanced technology and based on scientific findings.You will be coaching 6000 participants per year and help them find the fun in being active and overcome barriers. In this first line contact with participants, the coaching application helps you to pro-actively direct your attention to participants who can benefit from your support. A good sense of humor, flexible attitude and ability to work accurately and concentrated in a dynamic environment will help you to enjoy your work. Jobrequirements: excellent english analytical reading-people skills/empathy-Knowledge of health related behaviors and food-Able to pratically convert knowledge into motivation/actionable advice&support-Experience in coaching people. US residency is a big plus! 

The first time I read this posting, I nearly fell out of my chair.  The second time, I realized that what they're looking for is a native American, not a Native American.  In which case I believe I'm qualified! 

My second favorite job posting (so far) is the one that describes their ideal candidate as "a real sales tiger."  

I sort of want to apply just so I can write the phrase "a real sales tiger" in my cover letter. 

Raaaowr.