Actual Repatriation

We spent a quick week in the Netherlands before heading to South Carolina to fulfill our manifest destiny of eating and shopping.

I'm currently on the verge of hyperglycemic coma from what I ate on the drive from Hilton Head to John's parents house in Aiken.

First, we stopped at a minimart and found Cheerwine.

Even if we didn't live in the Netherlands, this Southern delicacy would be a major score.

Unable to control ourselves, we also picked up Starburst and Nerds.

The most exciting part was that our whole purchase cost only $3.03.

All of that stuff — three items — for only two euros!

Two euros!!

In the Netherlands, two euros get you a tiny cup of weak tea. In a paper cup. In the very, very best case scenario.

My Country Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty, of Your Very Low Prices I Sing!

In general, my transition from the Netherlands to the U.S. hasn't been as rough this time around (at very least, I didn't lose my car). But the change does take some getting used to.

My Nerds binge notwithstanding, the first thing I noticed was how sweet all of the store-bought food tastes: the bread was most striking, but it was also the macaroni salad, the cole slaw, the juice, the salad dressing, the cookies, and the chips.

Not to get all Michael Pollan on you here, but pretty much everything I ate tasted like it was packed full of corn syrup.

When I mentioned this to my mother, she said that she had had the same reaction when she visited me in the Netherlands — only in the other direction. She thought that I was eating a low-sugar diet on purpose.

My only response to that is: how many cases of Nerds can I import on a duty-free basis back to the Netherlands?

Speaking of bingeing, we've been watching a lot of sports on television. It's mostly the Olympics, but we're also trying to catch up on an entire season of college basketball.

I have to admit that while I generally enjoy sitting on the couch and watching other people do athletic things, what I've really loved this time around is watching the commercials.

I find this to be a little bit disturbing.

I should be clear that I haven't just been gulping down witty, clever, tongue-in-cheek commercials regarding manly body wash. I've been gulping down everything. Everything!

AFLAC? Bring it on. Subway Footlong promotions? Not my favorite, but sure. Manipulative, tear-jerking Visa commercials? Yes, please. Closet space savers only sold on TV? Boo-yah. Low-budget commercials for local car dealerships? Oh, yes yes yes yes yes.

I think there are only two explanations for this sudden love affair: either I have lost my mind (though now that you mention it, I have just spent the last five days in an enclosed space with my parents) OR, there is something comfortingly familiar about these thirty-second bon bons in which someone tries to trick you into buying something.

As an added bonus, commercials occasionally underscore the cultural dissonance that I feel between the U.S. and the Netherlands.

For example: there's an animated Michelin tire commercial on right now that depicts a battle between poor, innocent townspeople and an evil gas pump who is trying to suck away all of their hard-earned money.

In the Netherlands, where everyone owns at least three bicycles and a gallon of gasoline costs around $5.77, you just wouldn't ever, ever (ever) see a commercial implying that high gas prices are violating our inalienable right to cheap gasoline.

P.S. We had a great time driving through the country and noting all of the modifiers on the names of the churches. There are many fine church names to choose from, but our current favorite is the Holy Ghost Prayer Tower Deliverance Center at Petticoat Junction.

I'm not sure exactly what's delivered at a deliverance center, but I guarantee that it's more exciting if there's a prayer tower involved.

We also noted the local eating establishments. Wingz & Thangz in Allendale was a tempting option, but we were more than a little concerned about what the thangz might be.