Nothing to Declare

Because John is a responsible adult and makes me wear sunscreen, all I have to show for our three weeks in Sri Lanka and the Maldives are a few more freckles on my nose.

Even so, many of my coworkers have stopped me in the hall this week to say, Jij bent wat bruiner! / You're a little browner!

In my mind, this is straight out of the Only In the Netherlands files. In reality, I still am — and always will be — the color of a pasty oyster.

But I suppose that in a largely sunless country where most people are the color of a pasty oyster, a newly freckled oyster is bound to stand out.

With these few freckles on our side, we're doing our best to re-acclimate to life somewhere other than a tropical paradise.

For me, that meant spending my every-other-Wednesday off running errands and reacquainting myself with Nijmegen's thrift stores.

Which I Love. With a capital L.

Occasionally, they're helpful for procuring household items that we sort of need, like yet another spice rack or an old-school popcorn popper or (insert sigh of longing here) a matching set of kitchen canisters labeled in Dutch.



More frequently, they're a place for me to discover and bask in the quirkiness of Dutch culture.

I believe it was this old Dutch brick mold that finally drove John to say last year, "Um, maybe you need to get a job..."



I really do try to resist purchasing too much Netherlandsalia, for fear that our household will no longer fit neatly into a shipping container to wherever the wind blows us next.

But sometimes, gentle readers, resistance is futile.

As of this afternoon, we're the proud owners of something that could only have been created in the Netherlands. Niets aan te geven: Een spannend kaartspel voor spelers met een stalen gezicht.

Translation? Nothing to Declare: an exciting card game for players with a face of steel.



Further translation?

Nothing to Declare: an exciting card game in which family members take turns playing a customs official and everyone else lies to try to get away with not paying taxes on items in their luggage.



You: You're kidding, right?

Me: Dude, I cannot make this shit up.

Here's what the box says:

A camera and a bottle of cognac! Smuggle it or declare it: who dares to risk a stiff fine? Will the customs official catch the smuggler? An exciting and fun card game for the whole family.

You take four cards. A necklace! With a steely stare at the customs official, you say "Nothing to declare." The customs official has no idea. This time, no penalty. But will that work for the next player, too?

Because nothing says "fun for the whole family" like alcohol, cigar smuggling and tax evasion!